I am super stressed! I have so many things to do!
Do kids use this word anymore? It seems to me that it’s been replaced by anxiety or being anxious and that puts kids in a precarious place. In Stress for Success by James Loehr, the author talks about how stress doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Stress can cause us to do big things - to take important risks, to reach our goals, to be motivated. It’s an important part of our lives and actually is good for us, as long as it doesn’t become chronic.
According to author Jonathan Haidt, anxiety is a preoccupation with the future that takes us out of the present moment and intrudes into all life. The Pixar animated film, Inside Out 2, featured the positive role that anxiety can take to protect us and the negative effects that happen when it runs the show.
BUT WHAT ABOUT STRESS? WHERE HAS THAT GONE IN OUR VOCABULARY?
To me, kids aren’t using it. They don’t talk about it and any uncomfortable pressures get assigned to anxiety.
For instance:
- I’m anxious about getting everything done today.
- I just have too much going on - it’s making me anxious.
- My anxiety is through the roof because I have 3 tests and a quiz tomorrow.
The language we use sends our brain a message. Saying things out loud reinforces that those thoughts we are having are actually true.
So when kids say that they are anxious about their work load, it sets things up for a negative, hopeless, out of control situation. Saying “I’m stressed about . . . “ acknowledges that the workload is intense but also that they can take control of it. It activates problem solving skills and a “let’s get it” attitude versus a sense of overwhelm.
Let’s normalize the word stress again and use it when talking with kids. When they say they are anxious, ask them if it’s pressure they feel and could they be stressed.
Kids under stress can grow in confidence and skill. That pressure they feel could be a good thing.
If you are interested in learning more about the positive uses of stress, I highly recommend the book Stress for Success mentioned above. It helped me reframe the stress within my life as useful instead of hindering and live a happier life.